[Podcast] The Most Overlooked Skill Needed to Land a Remote Job with Scott Asai Transcript

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Episode Summary

Scott Asai is a coach, TEDx speaker and expert on one of the most overlooked, yet critical skills for remote workers – soft skills. In this episode, we talk about building a strong network of contacts, developing emotional intelligence, connecting as an introvert vs extrovert, how to master your mindset for more confidence, how to use soft skills to land the job, how to overcome failures and rejection in the job search process and life, taking personal responsibility and more.

In this episode, we talk about

  • The most overlooked skill needed to land a remote job and succeed as a remote worker

  • How to get started with building a strong network of contacts, especially in a virtual world

  • The key trigger you want to ignite in the other person when networking

  • How to read body language 

  • Networking as an Introvert vs Extrovert

  • Using emotional intelligence and soft skills to land the job and get more promotions

  • How to answer, “what is your biggest weakness?” in an interview

  • Tips for mastering your mindset for more confidence 

  • How to overcome failures and rejection in the job search process and life

  • Taking personal responsibility to grow and thrive in life 

  • Why learning more won’t get you the job (and what to focus on instead)

  • One action you can take today to take your soft skills to the next level 


Resources Mentioned:

Connect with Scott

→ Connect with Scott on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/scottasai/
→ Visit Scott’s website: https://www.scottasai.com/

Get the FREE Offer

→ Download the FREE Remote Career Playbook here: https://bit.ly/RemoteCareerPlaybook

Connect with Kate

→ Ready to land a remote job so you can create more freedom and flexibility? Get on the waitlist for The Remote Career Accelerator: https://bit.ly/RCAwaitlist
→ Follow Remote Career Coach, Kate Smith on Instagram @theremotenomad

Speakers

Scott Asai, Kate Smith

Scott Asai, TedX Speaker, and Coach

Freedom and flexibility of schedule are what motivates Scott. It’s his why. As an introvert, he prefers connecting with people individually or in small groups – it’s about quality over quantity. That’s why he initially chose to coach. He likes to push himself to be better, and his clients too. Early in his career, her feared public speaking until one day I realized… “I’m not a good speaker because I think I’m not one”. So I decided to change his self-talk. From there he:

  • Hosted a monthly network event and volunteered to speak at his dad’s church once a month. 

  • In 2019, his goal was to land a TEDx Talk. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do it. 

  • In 2020, he did his first TEDx Talk in Laie, on the island of Oahu in Hawaii entitled “Saving Soft Skills From Extinction.” 

Today his why hasn’t changed. As a husband and father, he cares most about creating a lifestyle that allows him to spend time with his wife Lisa, daughter Kayla and son Isaiah when he wants to. His hope is to give his kids the opportunity to chase their desired lifestyle because he continues to do so on a daily basis.

→ Connect with Scott on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/scottasai/
→ Visit Scott’s website: https://www.scottasai.com/

Kate Smith, Remote Career Coach, Speaker, and Remote Work Advocate

Remote Career Coach and industry thought leader, Kate has helped countless professionals break free of the 9-5 and create more freedom in their lives by showing them how to successfully land a remote job. Her expertise has been featured on BBC, Fast Company, CNN, Atlas Obscura, GlassDoor, and many other major publications and podcasts. She was named 'The 100 Most Influential Remote Experts' by remoteweekly.io, and she’s even worked with the country of Estonia, as a digital nomad community representative, to create the world’s first digital nomad visa! After breaking free of her corporate 9-5 job in advertising, she landed a full-time remote job doing online marketing before launching her business. After successfully going remote herself, Kate's now on a mission to help other ambitious professionals create more freedom so they can live life on their terms too!

Follow @theremotenomad

Transcript

Kate Smith  00:02

Welcome to The Remote Nomad Podcast and this is your weekly escape from the nine to five grind. Every week we interview industry experts from around the globe on remote work, landing a remote job, the digital nomad lifestyle and mastering your mindset. Prepare to be inspired as you learn how to create a lifestyle with more freedom and flexibility. I'm your host and Remote Career Coach Kate Smith. 

Kate Smith  00:26

Do you want to land a remote job so that you can have more freedom and flexibility? download the free remote career playbook. Inside you'll learn the exact six-step framework that I use to help clients successfully land remote jobs in less time and without all the overwhelm. No experience is required. See the link in the show notes to download this free offer or head over to the remote nomad.com/freegift. 

Kate Smith  00:48

Today we are joined by speaker coach and guru of one of the most overlooked yet critical skills for remote workers. And he's even given a TEDx talk on it, saving soft skills from extinction. I'm excited to welcome today's guest, Scott Asai. Welcome, Scott. It's great to have you here today. 

Scott Asai  01:06

Thanks so much for having me, Kate. 

Kate Smith  01:08

I'm really excited to have you on today for many reasons. So Scott, just for everyone listening you and I had actually, I think first connected on Instagram, you had reached out to have me join you at General Assembly, General Assembly. And we did a speaking event together. And we had a really great powerful discussion that and I really wanted to bring you on the podcast. And there's a few few core areas that I'm excited to talk about today. One is, is that you're an expert in soft skills. And this is a skill that is just so overlooked when it comes to landing a remote job. But it's so critical. And not even just to land a remote job, but to thrive in a role any any role for that matter. And I want to dive a bit more into that and why that's so important for everyone listening today. And you're also what I've what I've realized in the time that we've connected, you are just this master networker. And it's something that is so important in terms of developing relationships and connections and all of that, and I see really thrive in that. And to me, that's so important not just to land a remote job. But really your network is what essentially recession proves your career. And this is an area that a lot of people fear. And I know you've shared before that you're introverted. So when you add on that layer as well, you know, you have these super extroverted people that also have a fear of networking. And here you are, you have mastered the art of networking, you have mastered the art of these soft skills that are so critical when it comes to, again, not just landing a remote job, but really thriving in a remote role as well. So to kick things off, I'd love for you to just take a moment to share your story and share what you do so that those that aren't too familiar with you can learn a bit more about you.

Scott Asai  03:03

Sure, so I think I'll try to actually start in the current and sort of go backwards a little bit. So people kind of have an idea. So currently, I do, basically virtual presentations, I would call myself like a soft skills trainer. And I do that really through two ways speaking and coaching. The reason why coaching is because that's the business that I started about 14 years ago or so, primarily career coaching, but then I transitioned more into doing executive coaching for like young leaders. And I what I found is I think, you know, I was a little bit hesitant to do speaking for a while, and I think I've shared with you before, too, that that was something that I had always been fearful of, you know, in high school, college, and maybe right after running to my first job out of college. And then I realized that I think it was a lot of all the negative self talk that was going on in my head that, you know, the average person does have in different areas. And so once I was able to kind of identify and change that, then I realized that not only does speaking land mean more speaking and coaching gigs, but it's also a challenge. And I think that the average person wants that challenge. They want to step up to the plate, and, you know, be ambitious about the goals that they set. And so for me really, you know, the TED talk that did last year was kind of a challenge to myself, the year before, you know, I said to myself, hey, if you want to be legitimate as a speaker, the first thing that popped in my head was to do a TED talk. And so I had no idea how to do it. I contacted people about how to do it, and I, you know, sort of follow the steps and it took a while to learn one, but I eventually did and when I did it, you know a lot of people asked me like, Well, do you feel different? What did you expect to happen afterwards? And I said really, I did it for myself, you know, have opportunities come out of it? They did but I think I wanted to prove to myself and so if anything if someone asked me like well what's different now than it was before you did a TED talk? I would say I just think my confidence and comfortability level has just exploded afterwards because it's something I can put down on my resume, I guess. And also to is just, just from my, from my own achievements sake, I was able to accomplish it. So, you know, currently what I'm doing is I primarily work with tech companies and tech conferences, and I provide sort of the soft skills presentations, primarily virtually right now. And, and I find that and I don't want to, you know, go too far ahead. But I found that soft skills tend to lend themselves really well to technology, because it's a very hard skill dominated industry. And so sometimes when you talk about being overlooked, especially, you know, doing remote work, you're right, because those are things that we don't really put on our resume, we don't really sometimes even know how to sell them. But it's really like us having this conversation right now. Like without soft skills, this conversation doesn't happen.

Kate Smith  05:52

That's amazing. And so let's, let's get let's start from the basics here for everyone listening, what are soft skills? And why do they matter?

Scott Asai  06:02

So soft skills, I think, are the ability to communicate with other people, you know, so I would say like, the soft skills I think of and I tend to talk about the most, and there's more than three of them. But these are the three I tend to talk about the most is communication, leadership and emotional intelligence. So I think, you know, sometimes I know Simon Sinek calls it human skills. Sometimes he feels like soft skills are a little bit too soft for lack of better terms. But it really it's it's really humanizing, I think things and having that conversation. So when I think of something like networking, I don't think of it as like a transaction, I think of it as a relationship, I think of it as a connection. And as an introvert, it kind of changes the game for me, because then I look at it as like, Okay, so how do I start a conversation with Kate? Like not, what am I trying to sell to Kate. It's how do we just find common ground and talk about those things? And if we have chemistry like we do, then we continue the conversation. And if we don't, then all I did was I've lost like, you know, 15-20 minutes of my life, it's not a big deal.

Kate Smith  07:01

Okay, I love that. Let's dive into that. The mindset, you mentioned about having this mindset shift from Okay, thinking of it as a transaction versus just building the relationship? And how do you, how does somebody get started? You've obviously progressed so far with this, how does somebody get started with making those shifts to become more comfortable? And I think you've, you've given a great example of thinking of it as a relationship versus a transaction. So how do people get started with that?

Scott Asai  07:35

I think a lot of times, the questions I get asked is, you know, I don't have a network or I don't have a strong network, how do I build one, right? And I think you start with people that you already know, you start with your friends and family, you expand from there, you ask them to introduce you to people, you throw yourself out there, like on LinkedIn, you send a connection, but you also send a follow-up message of why you wanted to connect with them. And then I think nowadays because virtual is where things are at, it's very easy just to ask people to hop on zoom for 15 to 20 minutes just to kind of grab virtual coffee, I guess you could say, right? For myself, that's really how I was doing it, you know, years ago is I would really grab coffee with people in my writing area, and now just have conversations. And people would ask me like, Well, what do you talk about, and I think the biggest myth about networking is that you have to be extroverted, or you have to be able to sell yourself well. And I think it's just the opposite. I go into it with a mentality of not having an agenda. And I go into it with a mentality of just being curious and wanting to sort of ask questions and get to know the person. And it's almost like a challenge to find out areas that we can connect on. And at a certain level, maybe even nerd out or geek out on those things, because you find a topic that you're really passionate about. And then you find that you could pick that conversation up any time. So I would just tell people, like, it's not so much about the number or the width of your network at the beginning part, you got to start somewhere. And the conversation piece will get easier as you practice and practice. But most of all, you just have to get started, like networking is action-oriented. It's not theoretical, it's not an ideology. I like to call it a lifestyle. I think if you treat it like that, and you make it part of your lifestyle, rather than just like, a goal I'm going to do for like 30 days, it's the same reason why diets don't work.

Kate Smith  09:20

That's a great point. You know, we have these everyday interactions, whether it's the cashier at the grocery store, whether it's getting coffee, and it's not just the interactions that you have, when you're getting on a coffee chat, the skill can be developed, like you said, through family through friends, through these connections, these people that you're passing by every day. What is your advice for somebody? Obviously, it can feel a bit scary and intimidating. What's your advice for people when it doesn't go as planned? Maybe the conversations are just terrible or awkward or maybe you get no response? How do you Keep going when you get those no’s or when things just don't go as you really hope for.

Scott Asai  10:06

So I think that the average person will probably connect, you know, relatively well, I don't want to throw out a stat, but I would say maybe around like 75% of people that you're going to connect with, you could probably just have like a quick conversation with. And even from there even if you do have a good connection with them, chances of you following up and continuing the conversation is, is it definitely gets lower? You know, I would say to, it's, it's about figuring out how to be relatively adaptable in situations and not completely losing yourself. You know, I think like, the more knowledgeable you are in a lot of different areas and not like an expert, but just you know a little bit about that, then I think it lends itself for you to either give advice and or ask questions about it, because you want to know more. I think honestly, there's there's really an art and asking questions. And sometimes we think like, we have to impress people, we have to like, tell them something that's going to blow them away. But I find that sometimes the reason why people will say you like, well, you're a really good listener, is because you ask questions, and then you're You be quiet, you know, and that allows the other person to kind of, I wouldn't say take over the conversation, but let them lead the conversation for a certain amount of time. And sometimes our best connections are because we meet people who listen to us. It's not about like, Oh, I'm a good talker, I could, you know, shoot the breeze with anybody. I think it's that helps. But it's it's can be intimidating, especially to someone who maybe isn't, or doesn't see themselves as you know, severely extroverted.

Kate Smith  11:38

I love that. I think when so many people think about networking and communication, it's what am I going to say? What am I going to talk about? It's about the listening and asking the questions. That's incredible. So What tips do you have for people, in terms of you talked about this art of asking questions? How does somebody get started? Do you have any sort of tips for people to keep in mind?

Scott Asai  12:02

Well, assuming that you're not being a complete stranger off the street, I think it's good to do a little bit of research ahead of time, you know, um, you don't need to, like cyberstalk them, but you need to do a little bit of research and figure out certain things that you feel like you could start a conversation about, then I think you want to focus on a lot of like, open-ended questions, you know, don't ask a question that's closed, it's gonna end with a yes or no, you know, do you like your job? Yes, or no? Like, there's not much else to go with that. Right. But if you ask an open-ended question of what a how or why sort of question, it gets it to expands, I also think, biologically, it fires more things in your creative your right side of your brain than it does the left side. So it gets people out of their own head. And I think a lot of times, you know, we're so maybe stiff, or nervous, or even academic to some degree, and the better conversations happen when, you know, someone says something that sparks in an emotion, and then you just sort of, you know, light up and just go from there. The only other tip I would say is, you know, nowadays, if virtual is like the, the new in person, I think you need to really understand how to pick up on body language, you know, so, a phone call is better than an email, but zoom is better than, you know, a phone call, and then obviously, you know, in-person is going to be better than virtual, but you have to sort of figure out like, okay, so depending on the platform that I'm using, in terms of medium of communication, what is the way I'm going to be able to best communicate and not and also to is not miscommunicate? I think a lot of times, we can read into things over a text, or an email or message, and you have to be really careful, you know, I would say you want to be actually maybe a little bit more conservative. No, you, if some doesn't get your sarcasm, probably don't put it in, if they don't know you that well. And err on the more professional side, at first, you can always, you know, kind of let loose a little bit later. But the beginning part, you know, I think sometimes, because we want to be more informal, we tend to come off a little bit more casual, and it comes off to be a little bit less professional. 

Kate Smith  14:02

Okay, I love that. There's I've got a lot of questions coming up in my in my head right now, first of all, I do want to talk about the body language aspect of it and being able to read people, what sort of tips or what sort of cues should someone look for when when you're communicating when you're connecting with somebody in terms of body language.

Scott Asai  14:22

So I think one thing that I find really interesting is to be able to try to mirror the person that you're talking to. So if these hand gestures use hand gestures, if they're making eye contact, make eye contact. I mean, I think those things are good anyway, regardless of what they're doing them, but I do think that, you know, head nodding, like you're doing right now, I think acknowledges that you're listening to the person, right? I like to see someone's like, face light up about a certain topic that they're passionate about. So yesterday when I did an event, a General Assembly event, you know, the speaker that was there, like I said something that she just like lit up, and then she was like, Oh my gosh, I love what you said and then she just kind of went off and we went back and forth. Probably like five times. You know, and I realize I'm like, Oh, I hit something that really like, you know, lit a little switch. And she was able to just kind of, you know, kind of go off on it. And those to me are the best types of conversations. And so sometimes I'm trying to find out like, you know, how do I find those things that someone could talk freely about, rather than just kind of going through the motions? Like, oh, how are you? How's your job? Tell me what you like what you don't like, like, those are kind of boring questions. To be honest, I think it's just trying to figure out like, some passion points.


Kate Smith  15:31

I love that it's almost thinking of it as instead of, you know, I'm trying to get this job or whatever it may be looking at it with curiosity of what's the thing that makes this person light up? What sort of questions can I ask until I can figure that out? And so when you talk about mirroring, just going back a bit, you talked about mirroring in the head nodding and all that. Why is that important? What's really what's really going on? Like, why does that work?

Scott Asai  16:00

I think psychologically, it puts the person at ease. I think sometimes that's actually a tactic you would do with kids. So like, if you're talking to a kid, and they're much shorter than you, it's smart to get on their level, right? Like literally, like, lower your body, and talk to them, like face to face, you know. So that's something I kind of learned, like, at early age working with kids, I was helpful. But I also think that communication is not just a spoken word. You know, it is sort of like how your body moves, your facial expressions, your tone, intonation, things like that, you know, and it's sort of this, it's this soft skill, that is probably the most popular the most, or arguably, maybe one of the most important ones, too. But I think that we sometimes we kind of think of communication as just verbal and really, like I would say, that nonverbal is actually sometimes more powerful.

Kate Smith  16:52

I love that. And so how, how then, especially with COVID, and everything going on, how do we transfer that into this online world where it's not always in person? Or maybe it's just a zoom call with with no video? How does this? How does this all translate to the virtual world?

Scott Asai  17:11

So I'd argue to say that actually speaking virtually is harder than speaking in person, because of the lack of feedback, especially your example of the dark up dark camera, right? Like, no one's there, or the names there. And you feel like you're literally just talking to yourself, you know, so I think some tips that I've heard that have been pretty helpful is like, you know, know, where your cameras and like, talk to it as if it's a person. And one thing that I did, as someone who's little bit more introverted, when I speak is, instead of looking at everyone in the audience, I try to like lock eyes with a couple people who are like, making eye contact, or, you know, body language, or when I speak on zoom, you know, instead of doing like, the mode, where it's like speaker mode, I actually tend to do gallery mode. And I want to turn on the videos, and I want people to, I want to be able to see people and see what they're doing. Because sometimes people forget that the cameras on, you know, they sort of let their guard down. And you know, if they're crossing their arms, they look kind of bored, then I know it's time to like switch it up, you know, so I think a lot of it is, is an energy transfer, for lack of better terms. And I think sometimes like, if the person that is being interviewed or talking is just kind of like monotone and low energy, it's honestly just really hard to follow. So, you know, I would, I would just encourage people to like pick topics that you feel like you'd have something to say about or you can contribute to, not to say that you're always going to have those things, but sort of have them in your back pocket so you can talk about them. Because when you do talk about them with passion, then you just naturally the body language just kind of kicks in.

Kate Smith  18:36

I love that. And so you mentioned again about being introverted. So I do want to talk on this for a bit. I think for myself, I can be a little more extroverted. But I know there are lots of introverted people out there. So how does this differ for people that are introverted versus extroverted? And what are your tips or advice when you're when you are introverted? And this idea of I can imagine this idea of networking and connecting with people it can feel a bit daunting. So what tips or advice do you have around navigating that?

Scott Asai  19:11

So I think to start with is sometimes people assume that extroverts like to be around people and introverts don't, which is really false. It's really more the energy that you get after you see those people. So someone who's more extroverted after they meet with a crowd of people, they're like, fired up, they're energized, they have all these ideas. They're just like, you know, bouncing off the wall, right? Someone who's more introverted can actually, you know, put on the put not put on a show, but I mean, they can sort of, you know, like me, I can be a situational extrovert when I need to be, but after an event is over, I'm tired. I kind of want to be by myself, I want to watch TV, like badge out something like that, you know. So I think first of all start with that. The other thing is, is I think of it in terms of numbers, you know, so an introvert does better with one on one or small groups. an extrovert does better, like work in the room or being in you know, around, a lot of people around So sometimes it's a matter of knowing like what type of situation you're going to thrive in, you know, so for me, an extrovert would say, to me, Well, I don't see the point of view getting coffee with like five people, like it's only five people. And it's, it's five times you have to go, that seems like a waste of time, right? Well, I would say, I think that going into a room of 100 people and getting like 50 names is a waste of time, too. So it's really like a matter of perspective. And I think for someone who's more introverted, it's more about the quality of relationship. And I think someone who's more extroverted, it could be the quantity of it, right, and, and neither way is wrong, neither way is wrong. And I think that's the thing is that we think oh is one better than the other, no, one's not better than the other, it's a matter of understanding who you are and what your style is, and embracing that, and then doing that as best as you can.

Kate Smith  20:46

I love that just that self-awareness and understanding how you thrive best, because there can be ways extroverts do better in certain in certain ways with when it comes to networking, where introverts can thrive. And just having that awareness and knowing how you thrive, I can see that be really powerful actually being an introvert, and networking, because you get to form in those smaller groups, you're forming those deeper connections, then perhaps a big group full of people. So we've talked a lot about communication, and and all of that, you mentioned before about leadership and emotional intelligence as well. Can we explore emotional intelligence? And really, what that means and why that's so important, as a soft skill?

Scott Asai  21:32

Yeah, sure. So emotional intelligence, also to to start with kind of a brief definition is, it's really your ability to manage your emotions with other people. So sometimes, I think one of the best ways to describe it is kind of like a self regulation, like you literally are, become an objective. Viewer, have yourself when something happens, and you're able to kind of like pump the brakes when you need to. So instead of reacting emotionally, you can actually like stop yourself, process really quickly what's going on, and then decide if you want to respond or not. And it's, it's really like, it is a deeper self-awareness. You know, and I think it's, it shows itself in the work setting. Um, probably the most famous guy who talks about emotional intelligence is Daniel Goleman. And he's had a bunch of books that are out there on emotional intelligence, he talks about, you know, some pretty powerful stats that I think that grabs people's attention. So if you take someone who has, you know, like, I don't know, average emotional intelligence for someone who has high, I believe that the person who has the high one has a two times better chance to be promoted. And then also to in a senior role, executives tend to have four times as much emotional intelligence as someone who's like, their lessor type thing. Now, I don't know if that's completely true. In terms of like, you know, that's probably more of an average overall. But what I get from that, and this is kind of like, my own example is that, you know, take take a technology role, right? When you get hired as a developer engineer, mobile app. acotar, right. That's a very hard skill, base technical role, right? When you want to get promoted to a management role, a leader middle management position, you all of a sudden have to now acquire soft skills, because your job isn't to do those technical skills that well anymore, it's to be the manager of the people who do well, in their hard skills, and then you have your job is to make them better. And the way you make them better is to understand how to coach them, to motivate them to give them feedback, things like that. So I think that it plays itself pretty strongly into that, you know, I think leadership and emotional intelligence are pretty much like, hand in hand, it's hard to like separate them to a degree. And I think that it's it's one of those things where some people honestly are naturally more gifted at that not saying you can't learn those things, it is a learned skill. But I do think that the people who naturally are good listeners naturally are observant or self-aware, in general, they're able to pick up on cues that other people have, and then be able to appropriately respond.

Kate Smith  24:10

I love that. And so you sort of made me think we've sort of brought this we've talked a lot about networking, and building relationships. And you've just mentioned now how it can be beneficial with it in the workplace. And this, this makes me think as well. You know, when someone's going through that interview process, it's one thing to network with people and just get curious, when you're going through that, that process and a lot of people listening, going through that, you know, process of landing a remote job doing interviews, and how does this transfer over and that way because I can imagine somebody listening right now and saying, okay, you know, the networking side of thing, alright, okay, I'm a little more open to that and feeling more comfortable. But then as soon as someone says job interview, it's like, Ah, so So how does how does somebody manage that that shift from Okay, I'm just networking, I'm connecting with people, no big deal. To the point where it's like, oh, crap, my potential job is on the line, am I gonna get this job? Am I not? So how do we how do we transfer that those soft skills into that type of scenario?

Scott Asai  25:13

So I think you bring up a really good scenario, I think that most people would say that the reason why they got an interview is because of their resume and the hard skills that they put down on their certifications, degrees experience, right? So let's say that hard skills, get you the interview. Right? I would argue to say that soft skills gets you the job. Because you have to be able to sell yourself, you have to be able to answer the question, why should I hire you, you have to be able to form a connection with the interviewer. You know, I sometimes we go into the situations, and we're so nervous, that we're fumbling through our answers. And not to say that your content doesn't matter, because it does matter. But I also argue to say that it's really important for you as an interviewer to connect with the person who's interviewing you, whether that be one person or a panel, you know, because that's something they're gonna remember, they're gonna remember like, Oh, you know, we had a lot of people who quote unquote, qualified, we may have someone who's highly qualified, maybe even, you know, maybe they're, you know, they're in a position where it's even a little bit below them to a degree, right. But what you're really going to remember, you're going to really, remember is the idea of like, if you made a connection with someone, you know, and I think it could be on something silly, it could be something on has nothing to do with with work. But I think at the end of the day, what's really important too, is do these people like you, because they're going to work with you, if they hire you. And if they don't like you, even though you're really smart, and you're really accomplished, they're not going to really give you a shot, because they're like, Okay, well, so and so is really good on paper, but quite frankly, I can't stand them.

Kate Smith  26:47

I love that. I think that's so important. I think that when that when you know, hiring managers and teams are bringing someone on, they want to work with someone they like, and that they can get along with really, that's just so important. And and I can see that going really far and being really important. And I like what you said, just focusing more on establishing that connection, then, you know, a lot of people overthinking What am I going to say this or that? And how do I answer this, it's like, just connect with a person, you know, have them like you like see if that connection is there. And that can go really far. You've you've mentioned some resources so far. Daniel Goleman, I believe it was Simon Sinek. If someone really wants to start diving into this, and maybe on this, this PopCap podcast episode, they realize, okay, this is really important. I need to really just start diving into this. What resources would you recommend for someone that's really curious and developing the skill?

Scott Asai  27:41

So I would say one thing, that's not necessarily soft skill reliany is the Strengths Finder. I've mentioned that resource to you before, I think it's really important to understand who you are, I think that the best leaders in any industry are the most self aware, which translated means they know what they're good, and they know what they're not good at. And I think you need to know that going into an interview. Because you're able to clearly state what value you bring to the organization. And that gives the decision maker the ability to say yes or no. And similar to marketing, when you're marketing a product or service, it doesn't make any sense. Because you're confused, you say no, even if it's like alluring, or it's cheap, or you know, you think it's a good value. If you don't understand what you're buying, you're kind of just like, I don't really, I'm gonna say no for now. Right? Whereas if someone is very clear about what it is that it brings to the table, whether you really want that or not. They can say yes or no, because they know exactly what they're going to get with you. You know. So I think it's really important as professionals to understand what your strengths are. Because if you don't, that's that's not all that responsibility isn't for anyone else, it's up to you. So that would be one I mentioned, like Daniel Goleman, books, emotional intelligence, you could probably like Google those, and you could find a bunch of different resources. My favorite TED talk, and the one that kind of inspired me to do one was Simon Sinek. I'm not exactly sure the name it has to do with this concept of the Golden Circle. And the idea of what's your why type thing. If you look up, I think he only has like one or two Ted Talk

Kate Smith  29:15

Is it Start With Why ? is that? 

Scott Asai  29:17

That's one of his books. Book. Yeah, that's a book for sure. Yeah, I'm not sure what the actual TED Talk is called. And actually, it's the older one, he did a newer one that it's like, it looks like visually better. But honestly, the content of the first one was like, pretty mind blowing to me. And so I think like, those are good resources in terms of like, you know, beefing up your soft skills in general, I would say overall, though, honestly, the best resources just to practice, like we can consume all this information. But until you get there out there and practice, you know, doing speaking, interviewing, networking, like those are things that you can learn in the classroom, technically, but you're not going to get better at it unless you actually do it in the real world. So I would just urge people I'm a big action person. So I feel like people need to be pushed to actually physically do it. Because if they don't, then I just feel like you're never gonna get better at it.

Kate Smith  30:09

Yeah. And so you mentioned with the Strengths Finder, getting, becoming aware of what you're good at and what you're not good at. I imagine for some people listening, identifying what you're not good at can feel really discouraging and feel like, Well, great. Now, I'm really not going to get the job. I've just learned all these things. I'm not good at what does someone do with this knowledge and information once they have it? And realize, okay, I'm good at this, and I'm not so good at this. How do you how do you manage that? And where do you go from there?

Scott Asai  30:37

So I think that everyone does at least two to three things really well. And some of us understand what those things are. And some of us don't. But if you look back on your life, and you take something like a Strengths Finder, and it's able to identify what it is, and you can really leverage that. Now, in an interview, you are going to usually get asked a question like, what is your biggest weakness? Right? And people fumble over that question. They don't know what to say, right? Well, if you know, you're going to get asked that you should really plan for that. So I'll give you an example of what I normally say on interviews. And maybe that'll help. But I always tell people when they asked me that, oh, so what's your biggest weakness? And I tell them like, well, I'm just, I'm just impatient. And they go, Okay, so tell me more about that. Right? I said, Well, you know, if I'm at work, and I'm waiting for someone to get back to me, in terms of like, moving on to the next thing, like, I'll just start taking initiative, and I'll just try to like, do my own research, I'll ask around, I try to get answers is difficult for me to just sit still and not do anything, you know. And so as I'm talking about this, and given examples, now, they've forgotten that my weakness is being impatient. And now they're thinking, Wait a second, this guy takes initiative. He's self motivated. He seems like he's, you know, a catalyst for certain things, right? And so there's, there's ways to really flip that question to make it work for you. And I think other things like, I'm not the most analytical or detail oriented person, I know that about myself, you know, but I'll talk about big picture, I'll talk about vision, I'll talk about soft skills, things like that. And so I don't think that you can avoid talking about your weaknesses. You know, if someone's gonna ask you, you can't lie about them. But I do think that you can frame them in a way that ends up serving you and not working against you.

Kate Smith  32:14

I absolutely love that. I think that's really important. For everybody that's even applying to remote job, being able to frame maybe the not most ideal scenarios or traits in a positive way, even when it comes to, you know, maybe you left your job because you hated your boss, how do you frame that in a positive way? Right, and communicate that in a positive way? I love that. And so do you have any other tips when it comes to mindset like this is this is a lot of mindset work, I imagine, right? Like this can feel really daunting. Do you have any specific tips or things for people to keep in mind when it comes to making those mindset shifts? We've talked a lot about this already. But is there anything else to help people just feel more confident with? Whether it's the communication, emotional intelligence, and just feeling more confident overall? 

Scott Asai  33:08

Yeah, I would say one thing that people need to understand is this idea of like professional development. It's something that some workplaces offer, and a lot of workplaces don't, I always tell people that don't ever rely on a company to fulfill your professional development needs. And so with that being said, with all the content that's out there on YouTube, you can pretty much DIY anything, you know, that you want. One thing that's really important is to make sure that, you know, you're, you're taking it upon yourself to grow. And sometimes I think when we think of growth, we think of being uncomfortable. And that's correct. It is be uncomfortable. I think, like, you know, once you plateau, and you sort of get content, and you you even get complacent to a degree, you're not you're not getting better, you know, and so I'm not saying that you shouldn't celebrate, but I am saying that you should be able to push yourself in areas. So my example of speaking is it's kind of a challenge to myself, you know, like, it wasn't like anything I was going to get as a reward, it was just something I wanted to do, because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it right. And I think we need to be our own cheerleaders to some degree sometimes and hold ourselves accountable to things. And I also want to say to like, and I know Kate, you understand this is that, you know, if you ever jump into entrepreneurship, or even in, even when you're jumping into a job that you realize isn't a good fit. The most successful people once again, in any industry are don't avoid failure. They just they actually are able to get through it better than the average person. So if you read like a success story of you know, a book about someone, you're like, Oh my gosh, like this person, it just seemed like they just fell into it. No, they didn't fall into it. It took them a lot of years of failing, falling on their face losing money, people telling them they were crazy, things like that, right. They're just more powerful. Virat, and I think when we look at failure as a stepping stepping stone to growth or success, then we are less, we take it less personal and things don't go our way. And we realize that's just part of the process. A lot of times what happens is that, you know, no one likes rejection, no one likes to lose, right? But the difference is, is that a person who is committed to something, they look at that and say, Okay, well, you know, one door close, I'm going to go into a different door, right? The average person will just say, like, Oh, well, the doors closed, I just want to stop, I don't want to feel that way anymore. So I'm going to do everything I can do to avoid that feeling. And by doing that, you don't do anything. You know. So I think like this idea of failure, and growth is really important. I think that's just like a career skill in general, that people need to kind of embrace whether it's a soft skill or not, I don't know if it's, if it's, you know, officially won. But I think it's an important aspect, because it's not something that you're going to learn like in a textbook or learn like in a college course. So like that. It's something that you kind of just have to experience and learn from, and then sort of go forward.

Kate Smith  36:03

I love that. And it makes me think, and some people listening may hate me for this, if I say this, but you think of the evolution of technology has, quote, taken away some people's jobs, right. And in my opinion, I think you need to grow and evolve with your with industry and with your job. And that's something that's important to me always learning and growing. And I think that's important that you've said that instead of just getting complacent in your job, like, Okay, this is it and whatnot, to really, it's your responsibility to take it upon yourself, your employer is not gonna say, Okay, time to do this, right. Like, you have specific things that you need to do on that job. But it's your responsibility to really grow, thrive and take your career to the next level. And it's important to always be developing these skills, and even everyone listening today, like, looking at that emotional intelligence, getting out there practicing this. And I really love that. And I love what you said too, about, you know, when these things aren't going your way, not taking it personally, it's it's okay to fail because you learn through failure. I love that. And I think that that's a really good takeaway for everyone, just like not taking it personally and realizing that all of this is your responsibility. No one's gonna say, Okay, now Now we have to go do this. So, Scott, you are, you're an expert in this field. Is there, is there anything that, um, that people need to know that we haven't talked about yet? And when it comes to, when it comes to soft skills, yeah, we talked, we talked about, you know, why they're important, and how we can develop those skills. Is there anything else that we've, we haven't covered yet, or that we've missed when it comes to this?

Scott Asai  37:46

I mean, I think as an introduction, I think we covered you know, quite a bit of ground, and I don't want to give people so much information, that they're just like, Oh, my gosh, I can't remember anything, you know, I think I would just kind of wrap things up by kind of saying that with soft skills, it's not so much about, you know, what you learn from a book or an online course, or like from even watching someone else. But it's more about the practice and getting like more reps in, you know, like, using like a workout term or fitness term, right? It's like, it's about taking what you know, and applying it, and seeing how it works. And then going back to the drawing board, and sometimes, you know, realizing, hey, that wasn't very effective, I better figure out a better way to do it. Right. Like, that goes for networking, that goes for interviewing, that goes for just having a conversation with someone. You know, I think there and I think a lot of times people think like, okay, so tell me the formula? Well, I'll tell you the formula, there is none. Because you can't people are not people are, are dynamic. And I think that's one thing I really like about soft skills is that it's very humanizing. And that makes us very, you know, connectable, in the sense that we're like, you know, I could give you questions to ask people, like, when you go to get coffee, but sometimes, like, you need to, like trash those notes, and you need to, like, go with what, what you feel like is gonna go, you know, well, right, like, I'm sure, like, you had some pre planned questions that you had, before we got, you know, the talking and then you decide to go with some and you just skip some, I don't know which ones you're gonna ask. And I know, I'm okay with that. You know, some people want to know, like, Okay, tell me exactly what I need to know, to kind of do this. And it's like, well, I hate to tell you, but like, humans are not robots, you know, and understand, like, a lot of it is being able to, it's trial and error. You know, it's like, when people ask me, you know, because I have, I have two kids, and they asked me, like, Oh, can give me some parenting advice. I'm like, No, I can't. And they're like, what? And I'm like, I can tell you my parenting experience. But I don't think that what I'm going to say is going to work for your son or daughter because they're not, they're not the same person. Right? So even between our kids, what works for one doesn't work for the other. So it's not like you can read a book and just be like, Okay, this is I figured it out. You know, like, if that were the case, then like, we wouldn't have all these dating sites. You know, I mean, like, if that was really the case, like we wouldn't need all these other avenues to you. propel these relationships, I mean, it's just, it's one of those things where it's like, you just have to get out there and and, and do it, you know, and hopefully you'll, you'll learn from your mistakes and get better at it. But it's it is a work in progress. And even myself, I can definitely beef up on some of my soft skills. I'm not too proud to say that I can't.

Kate Smith  40:19

I love that. I really like what you've, you've made this point that this is, this isn't something that's just black and white. And I think especially for those that are looking for a remote job right now. They look in this sense of, of everything being black and white. So okay, I've got to get this credential credential, it's another thing to put on my resume. And when it comes to soft skills, it can feel like, Well, why should I develop that skill, I can't necessarily put it on my resume. But yet, that's going to be what gets you the job. Like we said, the resume has, okay, a lot of those hard skills, but when you're in that interview, your soft skills are going to be the make or break if you get that job. And so for everybody listening that and I know and I see this so many times we were like, okay, yeah, they want to know, like the formula and and what exactly do I need to do. And I think a big takeaway for everybody today, which which is important is, is realizing that it's it's not just about like stalking this skill set, like get out there, start having conversations, develop these soft skills, because those soft skills, like we've talked about, are going to get you the job, they're going to get you the promotion, those are the skills required to go further in your career. And, you know, it will help you within the workplace when it comes to finding a remote job, when it comes to building these relationships that will continue to serve you and the rest of your career. So I really like that you've you really just, you know, there's almost like a bit of ease to it, where it's like, okay, just like get out there start talking to people one step at a time and not being afraid to fail. And, Scott, before we leave, I would I would like to leave everybody with a little action they can take today. So what would you recommend everybody listening today? What's one action they can take today to really to taking their their soft skills to the next level and developing that?

Scott Asai  42:15

You know, so you said something that kind of made me have an idea. And I think when it comes to your soft skills, a lot of it is building trust, and a lot of is building rapport with someone, you know. And I think, once again, there's no formula for it. But it's kind of like a challenge. And you have to figure out how to get there. Right? I think like, for example, when I contacted you, right through Instagram, I think through like a message or something like that, right? Like, I don't know, if you're going to respond or not, you know, and if you do great, and if you don't, I got to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to do that. Right. Like, maybe my value proposition wasn't good enough. And unfortunately, you did get back to me. But you know, I mean, I've done a lot of those. And quite frankly, I get rejected more than times than I do successfully Connect. Right. And so I think a lot of times with with, you know, thinking about soft skills and stuff like that, to simplify it, a lot of it is like how do you build that trust? You know, and what do you need to do to get to that point. And if you ask, if you think about like, say, your favorite leader that you've had, you know, in your lifetime, so far, whether it's like a formal position or not, it could be a friend could be a parent could be a, you know, sibling or whatever like that, right? My guess is the way you're going to describe them is going to be soft skill related. You know, it's not going to be like, Oh, so and so such an accomplished fireman or whatever like that. It's like, yeah, that's nice, you know, but that's really not how you describe someone, you know, you describe them, like, like soft skills can be like an adjective to some degree, right, like, so I think like, if you think of it like that, I think it kind of, I'm all about being able to do whatever you can do to like disarm people, you know? So like, when I'm in an interview, or I'm talking to someone, like, I don't want them to be like uncomfortable, I don't want them to be tense, like, what can I do to break the ice? You know, like, I don't even need to always crack a joke. I could crack a joke. I think humor does help. But I think what it really is, is like try to like, be open and honest and vulnerable. You know, those are soft skills, I think, and how am I going to build like, some type of connection with you? And if I can do that, I think whether the other person can identify that that's a soft skill or not. I think that you've made the impression that you want to make

Kate Smith  44:24

That's amazing. I've just had so many thoughts go through my head as you're saying this is incredible. Have you know when people are, are sharing what they think are about somebody what came to mind was Tony Robbins if someone were to talk about Tony Robbins I I don't think I've ever heard one person in my entire life say Oh, he has this credential. I don't even know if Tony Robbins has any credentials at this point. All I know is everyone's like Oh, if he feels good and and he transforms lives and all this stuff and and when you look at it like soft skills, hard skills with Tony Robbins. I don't know that anybody could tell you any of his hard skill credentials of like, does he have this or that, and really about when someone's when someone's talking about that person, like, what's really coming up? And, and even with the messages and reaching out, I think what came up for me is, you know, when when people are reaching out and they're starting those connections, I think often times they can totally overthink it and get overwhelmed. How do I get this person to respond? And the reality is, is like, sometimes it's just bad timing, right? Like, if you caught me at a really busy, just bad time. It could simply just be that or it could be it could be the messaging, right? And I think as long as you're willing to, to learn and grow as you go throughout the process, and, and it reminds me as well, this little, I guess, mindset trick that I have when when I'm doing that, whether I'm reaching out to somebody, I think, how would I think or feel if I received this message, so instead of thinking of it from the perspective of like, I'm sending this message to this person, reverse the roles, if someone sent me this message, would I respond? So like, when you when you message me, okay, if I sent this message, if I receive this from some person, would I be willing to respond to that, and just really, considering the other person, I think that's another thing too, that really ties into this is I think so. So often we make it about ourselves. And it's like, if you can focus on the other person and make it about them, just the the weight of everything, just, it's just, it's lifted off your shoulders, and like you said, just get curious about the person and, and try to find that that thing that they're passionate about that little spark and ask those questions, so you can get there and connect with people. And, Scott, it's been so great chatting with you about this. Again, this is such an important, such an important skill that not only helps people land the remote job, but keep the remote job get promoted. Build an incredible network of people. How can everybody learn more about you learn more about working with you? Can you share a bit more about that where we can find you online and everything?

Scott Asai  47:07

Yeah, so the easiest, probably two ways. And the ways I'm going to get back to you probably the quickest is just my, my site, which is basically just my name, ScottAsai.com. And then if you search for my name on LinkedIn, that's a really easy way, I tend to be pretty active on there. I think, like, I think part of it, too, is just being able to be easily accessible, you know, like, we want to be found, you know, we don't want it to be a mystery of how to connect with someone, you know, and I think what I found too, is in terms of communication, you figure out what people's preferred. medium is, and you sort of use that, right? So some people I text some people I dm some people I call some people like video, you know, it's just you kind of have to figure that out. That's like, an individual preference, you know? And so sometimes by asking, How can I, how can I reach you? Like, don't go another route? Like the person is giving you the answer, like, take the answer and run with it, you know, and I love to talk about like soft skills and how they apply to your career. Once again, I always am looking for, you know, situations where I can talk to companies or at events and doesn't have to be tech-related, per se, I just say that that's what I tend to speak at. But, you know, I've gotten approached by a lot of different industries in terms of doing like trainings or doing like presentations, or even doing individual coaching, sort of, you know, without, but I think, you know, soft skills, fortunately, is a big enough like pot, but there's a lot of different ingredients in them. And I find that it's something that quite frankly, as technology evolves, like you said, in terms of like trying to figure out, okay, your skills need to need to evolve, I would say that as technology evolves, the need for soft skills tends to increase, not decrease. And I don't think that's ever going to, I don't think it's ever going to peak. Because we have more and more barriers that keep us from communicating effectively. And at the end of the day, you know, once again, we're humans before anything else before we are our jobs, right. And the way to connect with people is by using those soft skills.

Kate Smith  49:05

It's absolutely incredible. I think that especially with this world being so technically driven, technology driven, just the importance and really going back to the basics of that being able to connect because we are what you said humans at the end of the day. Amazing. Scott, thank you so much. I will I will link to all of your your LinkedIn and your website. And I love that you made that point, connect with people how they want to be connected with. So don't be reaching out to Scott on Instagram or something, go to the website, go to LinkedIn. I really appreciate you sharing all of your wisdom and insights tonight, and jumping on the podcast and sharing with everybody listening today. And again, I'll be sure to link to all to your LinkedIn and your website below. Thanks so much, Scott. 

Scott Asai  49:51

Thanks so much, Kate. It was fun.

Kate Smith  49:53

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of the remote Nomad podcast. Be sure to subscribe on Spotify, Apple podcasts and other streaming services so you don't miss an episode. Share this episode with a friend so they too can learn how to create more freedom and show your support by leaving us a review so we can reach even more people who are passionate about the remote work movement. In the meantime, you can find me over on Instagram @theremotenomad where I share more tips and insights into landing a remote job. That's it for today. I'm your host and remote Career Coach Kate Smith. Thanks for listening.